Fading away

... that's where I'm headed. Today I decided I want nothing more to be happy. This came from fear to call my mom to pick me up from school, as I had to stay after to do homework. Isn't it sad that I'm too scared to call her, because I don't want her to be mad at me that I stayed after for an hour and she would have to drive ten minutes to get me? I actually came out and told her that, and she said she would more then happily pick me up. Yesterday I witnessed her yell at my brother because she had to pick him up from school. Interestingly enough.

The last two weeks have been hell, well actually, most of the last four years. And, even when I am at my best I can't help but think about "if I have done this instead". Now that I am beginning to get things figured out in life, I don't want to have to dwell on what already happened. I am going to have way to much stuff to worry about in the next few years, with University and moving out. I'm hoping that I can meet new people in the next few months, and have some awesome times. I don't want to forget what I have learned over the past few years, because its gotten me where I am today. Honestly, I just want to make the next few months count, even if that means I go out to party with my friends every weekend, and have to drive three hours to see my boyfriend. I want to make the best of it, before it's gone completely.

A few facts about myself:

- I want to be an archaeologist, and while I have never told anyone this, I have since I can remember. My mom shut down my dreams when she said I wasn't good enough to be one, and that she can't see it being something I would actually want to be. So, I went and applied for University (my mom hoping it would be for computer science, something I absolutely hate, but am good at) for Bachelor of Arts. I can now take archeology.

- I am a metalhead. Thrash, black, death, and folk metal are my favorites. A lot of people tell me that when they meet me they would have expect it. Which I don't really understand because I have also been told I am "completely metal". I don't want to label myself, and I don't really care what others think. Contradictions. Metal makes me happy.

- I am a dark eye makeup junkie. Rarely will you see me without it. My mom always tells me it looks horrible, but honestly I like it and think that it looks good. I am also the type of people that it always wearing jeans and black, and usually a hoodie. That is just the way I am most comfortable.

- I love Norse mythology. The gods and the tales, and everything about it really. I, myself, am an atheist. But, I just find this stuff really interesting. Ask my anything about Norse mythology and I'll guarantee that I'll know it.

That's all I can think of for now. Have a good night everyone.