What are my problems exactly? Well, I live in a home that I am scared to be in ninty percent of the time. I have a crazy (most likely bipolar) mother, a father that has lost all respect for me, a grandmother that cares but doesn't know what to do, and grandparents that don't know how to deal with the situation because they partly blame themselves. Since I can remember I haven't been happy. I deal with cynical depression, and I use to be a cutter. I know, a lot of people are probably screaming 'emo' in there heads. Whatever, I don't care what you think, it worked for me, but I guess a friend on the other side of a phone call could have worked just as well. But, I never had that. None of my friends knew what to do with me, and the one friend that did was in the same situation as me, so we did all we could to help each other out. That only lasted so long, however. Then, I had a boyfriend that wanted to help me so badly, that I believe that was the only reason we were in a relationship. It went well for two and a half years, until I just couldn't meet his standards anymore because "I still wasn't completely happy". We don't talk anymore, unless he is drunk and needs someone to hang off of. Whatever floats his boat, I don't miss him in the slightest.
That is how I get to where I am today. I feel like I could have made so many different decisions in the past that could have helped me greatly. At this very moment I am honestly just sitting here smiling. I am currently in computer science class (which I hate), but there is a substitute teacher. I have my cell phone in my pocket, and the most amazing person on the other end. I know, everything I just typed sounds completely retarded, but at this moment I am happy, and I want you to know that. Minus the fact that this week has been completely shitty, I can see the sun coming though the clouds outside, as it was raining this morning, and it turns out that today might be a good day.
Aside from all that, I can't seem to get a few things out of my head. The last week, for example, has been hell. It all started when I didn't come home at twelve because I was with a drunk friend, who was crying, who wouldn't let me leave. It's not like my mother didn't know where I was, I was texting her the whole time and ever called her. She still got pissed. Whatever. Finally an hour later, she got so fed up she came and got me, grounded me, took my car, phone, and laptop. Then, to solve her problems, she got drunk and I left for a few days. The whole thing really doesn't make any sense, but I'm still not finished. I was staying with my grandparents, they (them and my mother) had already had a few fights about my well being. So, my mother drove to get my, fought with them some more, damned me to hell, called me a disgrace, slammed a few doors in her parents face. Things got slightly better after I spent a few days in my room, until they got worse again.
I am a smoker, occasionally get high and a drinker, my parents don't know about the smoking. The other day I had left the island that I live on, just for a few hours to cross on the boat to meet my boyfriend on the other side because I hadn't seen him in over a month. Halfway across to meet him I get a text from my mother. She had found out that I had been smoking somehow, told me that she was going to make my life hell, so on and so forth. So told me not to bring my boyfriend back and to send him back home, after he had already drove two hours to meet me. After a little more fighting with my grandparents, and parents I decided to the hell with them all, I would be seeing my boyfriend (who none of them had met yet). The weekend went pretty well, and my mom didn't have have me arrested like she had threatened in a phone call a few days before. It was actually one of the best weekends I have had since I last saw my boyfriend in March, even if I was drunk for half of it. Happy Easter to me.
My boyfriend is perfect, and there is no other way to put it. He is the most amazing, and nicest person I have ever met. He has listened to me cry and has taken shit from my mom for the last six months. I can't thank him enough for everything he has gone through, and that fact that we are in a long distance relationship makes it really hard. We have only ever met in person twice, for days/weeks at a time. Without him here last weekend who knows how it would have went. When I go away to University we are going to live together in an apartment. He lives close to where the University is now anyways. I'm really excited for that. I can't wait to get out of here.
The whole point of me making this blog is so that I have somewhere to vent, and if anyone wants to read it that would be appreciated. I am basically going to write about what is happening in my life, post about things that I like (music, things I stumble upon, lists, anything really). I don't know, maybe so of you will find it interesting, I hope that someone does anyways. I am also going to try and read over my post and make sure that they make sense, this one probably doesn't because I haven't have much time to check it. Oh well, just as long as you guys get the just of what I am saying.
I hope everyone has a good day.
Song I'm listening to:
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